A Holy Book of Strategies or How to Use Imagination?


Today Fatalin is cynical.

***

“Come to Azerbaijan and have some fun!”, should be a new touristic slogan.

***

As I already said, right after the verdict for Emin and Adnan was announced and the whole international community reacted critically, the Azerbaijan Honor Defenders emerged with countless “analytical” articles and interviews.

The squad of Defenders doesn’t only consist of careerists, nationalistic masturbators and pseudo-patriots, it also includes BIG GUYS. Those who write two-three articles a day but when someone asks you “What does it say”, you think for a minute, trying to remember anything significant and respond “Nothing, actually…”. And even though E&A supporters get furious and comment on these statements, when you dig deeper you can clearly see a dusted Soviet-style strategy our BIG GUYS usually use.

And the more they talk, the more ridiculous it looks, the more people understand it. And react.

So, in section this strategy and the reaction I can witness looks like this:

 

Strategy 1 – Use Human Resources

A call for public figures to comment on the case.

Expected outcome: “If this guy said so, it’s definitely truth!”
Actual feedback: Did you ever notice WHO you use? Do you actually think people still believe them?

 

Strategy 2 – Set a Doubt

“They are not bloggers”

Expected outcome: “Oh my God, everything is a lie!”
Actual feedback: “So if they are tailors? What does it change?”

 

Strategy 3 – The Patriotism

Divided to 4 sub-categories:

1. “US want Azerbaijan to collapse”

Expected outcome: “Really, they talk about democracy, but look how immoral they are! Now they want to interfere in internal issues of our country! What a shame!”
Actual feedback: Too late. Now it looks cheap.

2. “It is an internal matter of Azerbaijan!”

Expected outcome: “This is unacceptable!”
Actual feedback: “A wife beater says the same when police comes over to take him. Lame”

3. “The international community doesn’t support us in Karabakh case, but criticizes us now”

Expected outcome: “They are all pro-Armenian!”
Actual feedback: Well, Emin personally met with 100 officials during his trips to US to talk about Khojaly, also organized a protest demonstration on February 26th in front of the Armenian Embassy in Washington. And also you might want to reconsider the policy of fighting this group of people who make impossible for nothing and favoring grant eaters for no outcome. But sure, you know better.

4. “They get paid by the West!”

Expected outcome: “People are starving while those travel around the world and get grants! Moreover, hell knows who finances them!”
Actual feedback: Seriously? 🙂 Emin once made a bet that he will travel all around the Europe with no money in his pocket. It seemed crazy even for us, but he did it. He stayed there for a month and traveled around several countries. Doesn’t fit into the programmed mind or International Bank’s budget? Yeah, definitely.

 

Strategy 4 – Stating the obvious

“It is a simple case of hooliganism”

Expected outcome: It is a simple case of hooliganism.
Actual feedback:
1. We see fights everyday, all around us. Did anyone non-public go to prison for that?
2. Are all thousands of supporters crazy?
3. Seriously, again?

 

Strategy 5 – Expose the truth

“Their friends are emotional and rude!”

Expected outcome: Yeah, they’re weird. And the girls there smoke, hang out with boys and breathe without permission.
Actual feedback: Four months of work, expectations, positive and negative emotions, fear, bravery, inspiration, disappointment, tension, self-limitation, patience – and your friends still get unjustly sentenced. Being rude is wrong, but what would you look like?

 

Strategy 6 – Let’s laugh.

A series of jokes or sarcastic statements on E&A’s activity or their case.

Expected outcome: Ridiculous indeed!
Actual feedback: Good strategy to laugh over something you have no idea about. You joke as if it’s obvious, hence no need to use facts/arguments, no need to actually analyze, because people are too busy laughing/trying to get the sophisticated jokes, to understand the actual meaning. Once again, good strategy for a high school student with low IQ and confidence issues.

 

Strategy 7 – Not a strategy but a total stupidity

“If the case wouldn’t be so politicized, it would be solved early”

Expected outcome: Have no idea.
Actual feedback: Are you kidding me?

 

Expected further strategies:

1. They/their friends are/support Armenians – million conclusions; pictures of Emin and Adnan hugging someone Armenian; someone Armenian stating he received State secrets from Adnan; deep analysis of paraphrased quote by Emin, where he calls Azerbaijan to let Karabakh go.
2. They/their friends are/support islamists – confirmed by an unknown Mullah, who, if you dig deeper was also involved in another case of this kind.
3. Their friends are hooligans/drug dealers/spies/criminals – same scenario with fake witnesses, evidences, bad show with pathetic actors. Least likely to happen since it would be a peak of stupidity, but who knows, who knows..

 

But the best thing about these articles is that NEITHER of these people didn’t come to the hearing of the case they ANALYSE so confidently, didn’t meet with the lawyers or families, didn’t ask ANY questions from the supporting group.

And yes, they sincerely think that someone believes them.

***

“Come to Azerbaijan and have some fun!”, should be a new touristic slogan.
“There is always something stupid to laugh at”, should say an inscription under it.

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  1. Great post. Magic.

    • Elshan
    • November 21st, 2009

    butun anarkimilere, azerkimilere hesr olunur:

    Menim gelbim olmaya bilerdi,
    size oxshayardim yeni.
    Ushagalri sevmezdim, qarilari alib kechirmezdim kuchelerden.
    Agaclari, yagmurlari, qadinlari duymazdim.
    Aglamazdim olenlere, oldurulenlere.
    Menim rehmim olmaya bilerdi
    bashgaldiran uzu bayragla suslenmish insanlara.
    otlari, chichekleri ezerdim.
    big yeri tezece terlemish deliganlilain azadlig dushunen bashlarina deyenek endirerdim
    uf demezdim..
    meydanlari qanla suluyardim,
    qana susuyardim.
    Menim gozum olmaya bilerdi, su uzunde seken dash girintisi kimi
    heyatda yerini tapmayan insanlari gormeye bilerdim.
    Kor olardim,
    kuchelerde salamdan once chorek isteyen evsizlere,
    divar dibinde yatan ushaglara goz yumardim.
    Unudardim uzag bir odada yoxluguma gomulmush qocani,
    yox olardim.
    Men adam olmaya bilerdim,
    adam kimi yashamag uchun…

    (Zahir Azamat)

  2. So true, so true!

    • Marin
    • November 23rd, 2009

    Wanted to write some words of appraisal then the 1st point of the “expected further strategies” came to my mind… it’s really funny and stupid.
    anyway, the post is great!

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